I should feel badly, but I don't
I've had the same best friend for almost 20 years now. Until today. We've had struggles with our friendship over the last 18 months or so, but things came to a head today. I'm not going to get into the details of the straw that broke the camel's back, but while I was out doing something, we exchanged texts and that was that.
I dropped this friend a quick email to say I need at least 90 days free from them before considering continuing as friends. I think that's a reasonable request. I come home to find that this friend has unfriended me on FB (but not blocked me), but did block me on Twitter. Seems a bit childish to me, but if that's where their comfort zone is, that's fine by me.
However, after seeing that, I made the mental decision that 90 days or 90 years, I'm done. I just don't need the negativity in my life. I have enough depression, anger and negativity on my own without having to deal with someone else's in every single email, text, in-person visit and so on.
I should feel a sense of loss. This was someone who visited me regularly while I was sick, even when I was in a coma. Someone who helped me when I was down, someone I helped when they were done. But the relationship has become so toxic in recent months, I am actually feeling a sense of relief. A great weight has lifted from my shoulders. No more will my intent be misconstrued or misjudged.
I'm not recommending you go out and re-evaluate all of your interpersonal relationships and dump those that don't work. You are the best judge of what does and doesn't work for you. If something didn't work for you, you've probably already made the right move. I just wanted to remind you that we sometimes stay in bad relationships (not just marriages) longer than we should, because of some sense of obligation, debt or just familiarity. When it doesn't work, once you've tried your best to make it work, walk away. Not angrily. I wish my former friend nothing but good fortune and happiness in their future. It's just a future that I will be absolutely no part of.
I dropped this friend a quick email to say I need at least 90 days free from them before considering continuing as friends. I think that's a reasonable request. I come home to find that this friend has unfriended me on FB (but not blocked me), but did block me on Twitter. Seems a bit childish to me, but if that's where their comfort zone is, that's fine by me.
However, after seeing that, I made the mental decision that 90 days or 90 years, I'm done. I just don't need the negativity in my life. I have enough depression, anger and negativity on my own without having to deal with someone else's in every single email, text, in-person visit and so on.
I should feel a sense of loss. This was someone who visited me regularly while I was sick, even when I was in a coma. Someone who helped me when I was down, someone I helped when they were done. But the relationship has become so toxic in recent months, I am actually feeling a sense of relief. A great weight has lifted from my shoulders. No more will my intent be misconstrued or misjudged.
I'm not recommending you go out and re-evaluate all of your interpersonal relationships and dump those that don't work. You are the best judge of what does and doesn't work for you. If something didn't work for you, you've probably already made the right move. I just wanted to remind you that we sometimes stay in bad relationships (not just marriages) longer than we should, because of some sense of obligation, debt or just familiarity. When it doesn't work, once you've tried your best to make it work, walk away. Not angrily. I wish my former friend nothing but good fortune and happiness in their future. It's just a future that I will be absolutely no part of.
posted by me at 6:25 PM
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