Second chances
I just finished watching "The Replacements" and I'm hearing one line from Gene Hackman in that film over and over in my head. He played the old-school football coach who said "every athlete dreams of a second chance" while referring to the replacement players who had stepped in when the regular players went on strike.
Maybe that's echoing in my mind because I dream of that second chance often. I watched some high school volleyball earlier today. What I wouldn't give to see the look of shock on an opposing player after I hit a kill right past his block, just one more time. Or to hit a bullet right down the left-field line, screaming past the leftfielder for extra bases in a recreational slo-pitch game. Or to be bowling a match with a chance to shut out the opposition with three strikes in the tenth frame and to nail all three shots
I know with near 100% certainty my days of being able to jump high enough to hit a kill in volleyball are over. It's close to the same certainty when it comes to playing softball, although I suppose I could go to the batting cages and hit until I was out of breath. That might be six or seven at-bats on a good day. And I could probably start bowling again if I was willing to do so and accept the fact I'd be playing at a level well below what I was once capable of.
But I won't. I choose to not play again and be less than I was, rather than try and fail to live up to the standards I once held myself to. For me, it's the right decision. So while I dream of a second chance, for the moment I won't be striving to achieve that goal.
* * *
There is no denying the fact that the Republican Party's majority in the House of Representatives is in trouble. In December of last year, 43% of people polled said that the fact the House was controlled by Republicans was a bad thing. Now a very recent poll shows that number has climbed by 11 points, up to 54%.
Worse yet as far as chances for them to retain control of the House come January of 2015, there is a severe schism within their party. The more conservative membership, including the Tea Party, believes the party has shifted too far toward the center. The moderate Republicans currently serving in the House will face primary challenges from more conservative candidates. The incumbents will survive most of these challenges, but at what cost?
The rank and file who consider themselves Tea Party members maintain there is no leader of their "party" and on the face of it that seems to be true. But this is just the leaders of this movement (they aren't really a political party) are taking great pains to keep their identities out of the public eye. Steve Eichler is a lawyer who is the CEO of the organization that registered and maintains the website that uses the URL teaparty.org. The site's terms of use make reference to a Board of Directors, but there appears to be no list of that board's membership. The WHOIS entry for the domain shows no names under registrant or admin. Rest assured this movement has leaders. The money people. The policy people. Their agenda is based on the writings of certain individuals, one of whom is Dr. Jerome Corsi. I mention all of this just to debunk the notion that the Tea Party has no leaders. They do. They just pull the strings from behind the curtain. It is this movement that may ultimately destroy the Republican Party. Their choice to shutdown our federal government may have already made it inevitable that in an off-election year, the party with control of the White House will make gains in congressional representation. That's just about unheard of.
Dark days are ahead for the party of Lincoln.
* * *
An open note to Stan Kasten, president of the Dodgers.
Dear Stan,
Now that you've made the right first move in confirming you and the team will be honoring Don Mattingly's contract for 2014, make the next right move.
Offer him a multi-year extension. Add two years guaranteed to the current year, and then tack on an additional year option that is the club's. That is to say, the club can exercise that option for the 2017 season to keep Mattingly their manager.
Next year is going to be one of the best chances for the team to get to and win the World Series. You and Ned Colletti have a lot to do in the off-season and having the manager business settled will make a lot of it easier.
You have four outfielders with multi-year multi-million dollar deals. They will take up roughly $65 million in payroll next season and they are all under contract until the end of the 2017 season. There's no room to move one of them to first base where Adrian Gonzalez will be for the next four years at least. You are probably going to have to try to trade one of them and you won't get full value for any of them given the fact you are under the gun.
29 year old Hanley Ramirez is interested in a contract extension. You and every fan of the team wants you to sign an extension with Clayton Kershaw and that won't be cheap. He's probably the best pitcher in baseball. You probably won't try to re-sign Juan Uribe and that means you have a hole to plug at 3rd base, while you were already looking to upgrade at 2nd base.
You have a question mark regarding five starting pitchers because you don't know how well Chad Billingsley will be in 2014, following his Tommy John surgery this year. Kershaw, Greinke and Ryu are a great 1-2-3 starting pitcher combination and you have other options so this isn't the top priority once you've inked Kershaw to an extension.
Make the right move. Extend Mattingly. Then move on to putting the finishing touches on a ballclub that can be a legitimate threat to win a World Series in each of the next three or four years.
* * *
Random Ponderings on a Saturday:
Part of me wishes I wasn't so generous. If I weren't, I'd have a third consecutive day off tomorrow. Instead I'll be working for free, in order to give my students a better chance of succeeding in the class.
Now that I've seen all three of the butt "selfies" from Kim K and her two imitators, I have to say that the pro surfer's butt is way better than Kim's or that woman from that other reality series.
No I did not skip trivia last night to go to the book signing that Jenna Jameson was the "star" of at the Grove. I wouldn't buy her book even with someone else's money.
I think my favorite villain from the Batman television series was The Riddler.
Julianne Hough is guilty of bad judgment for going out in blackface as part of a Halloween costume, not racism. Now if Paula Deen had done it...
I don't think McDonald's is risking the loss of much business by shifting away from Heinz ketchup.
Jay-Z is right to wait for all the facts before altering his deal with Barney's.
If Michael Douglas was willing to lie about what kind of cancer he had, what makes people think he won't do the same when he's asked about whether or not he and Catherine Zeta-Jones are divorcing?
When Hailee Steinfeld refers to Taylor Swift as her "big sister", I don't think she's referring to the fact Swift is four inches taller. Steinfeld is still just 16 years old.
The NFL may want to have a team in Los Angeles, but do enough Angelenos want a team here?
* * *
306 – Martyrdom of Saint Demetrius of Thessaloniki
1341 – The Byzantine civil war of 1341–1347 formally begins with the proclamation of John VI Kantakouzenos as Byzantine Emperor at Didymoteicho.
1597 – Imjin War: Admiral Yi Sun-sin routs the Japanese Navy of 300 ships with only 13 ships at the Battle of Myeongnyang. (Admiral Yi was one of the greatest naval commanders in history. With only 13 ships at his disposal he defeated an armada of 333 ships in a battle)
1640 – The Treaty of Ripon is signed, restoring peace between Scotland and Charles I of England.
1689 – General Piccolomini of Austria burned down Skopje to prevent the spread of cholera. He died of cholera himself soon after.
1774 – The first Continental Congress adjourns in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.
1775 – King George III of Great Britain goes before Parliament to declare the American colonies in rebellion, and authorized a military response to quell the American Revolution.
1776 – Benjamin Franklin departs from America for France on a mission to seek French support for the American Revolution.
1795 – The French Directory, a five-man revolutionary government, is created.
1811 – The Argentine government declare the freedom of expression for the press by decree.
1813 – War of 1812: A combined force of British regulars, Canadian militia, and Mohawks defeat the Americans in the Battle of Chateauguay.
1825 – The Erie Canal opens – passage from Albany, New York to Lake Erie.
1859 – The Royal Charter is wrecked on the coast of Anglesey, north Wales with 459 dead.
1860 – Meeting of Teano. Giuseppe Garibaldi, conqueror of the Kingdom of Two Sicilies, gives it to King Victor Emmanuel II of Italy.
1861 – The Pony Express officially ceases operations.
1863 – The Football Association, the oldest football association in the world, is formed in London.
1881 – The Gunfight at the O.K. Corral takes place at Tombstone, Arizona.
1905 – Norway becomes independent from Sweden.
1909 – Itō Hirobumi, four time Prime Minister of Japan (the 1st, 5th, 7th and 10th) and Resident-General of Korea, was shot to death by Korean nationalist assassin Ahn Jung-geun at the Harbin train station in Manchuria.
1912 – First Balkan War: The Ottoman occupied city of Thessaloniki, is liberated and unified with Greece on the feast day of its patron Saint Demetrius. On the same day, Serbian troops captured Skopje.
1917 – World War I: Battle of Caporetto; Italy suffers a catastrophic defeat at the forces of Austria-Hungary and Germany. The young unknown Oberleutnant Erwin Rommel captures Mount Matajur with only 100 Germans against a force of over 7000 Italians.
1917 – World War I: Brazil declared in state of war with Central Powers.
1918 – Erich Ludendorff, quartermaster-general of the Imperial German Army, is dismissed by Kaiser Wilhelm II of Germany for refusing to cooperate in peace negotiations.
1921 – The Chicago Theatre opens.
1936 – The first electric generator at Hoover Dam goes into full operation.
1940 – The P-51 Mustang makes its maiden flight.
1942 – World War II: In the Battle of the Santa Cruz Islands during the Guadalcanal Campaign, one U.S. aircraft carrier, Hornet, is sunk and another aircraft carrier, Enterprise, is heavily damaged, while two Japanese carriers and one cruiser are heavily damaged.
1943 – World War II: First flight of the Dornier Do 335 "Pfeil".
1944 – World War II: The Battle of Leyte Gulf ends with an overwhelming American victory.
1947 – The Maharaja of Kashmir and Jammu agrees to allow his kingdom to join India.
1955 – After the last Allied troops have left the country and following the provisions of the Austrian Independence Treaty, Austria declares permanent neutrality.
1955 – Ngô Đình Diệm declares himself Premier of South Vietnam.
1958 – Pan American Airways makes the first commercial flight of the Boeing 707 from New York City to Paris, France.
1964 – Eric Edgar Cooke becomes last person in Western Australia to be executed.
1967 – Mohammad Reza Pahlavi crowns himself Emperor of Iran and then crowns his wife Farah Empress of Iran.
1968 – Soviet cosmonaut Georgy Beregovoy pilots Soyuz 3 into space for a four-day mission.
1977 – Ali Maow Maalin, the last natural case of smallpox, develops rash in Merca district, Somalia. The World Health Organization and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention consider this date the anniversary of the eradication of smallpox, the most spectacular success of vaccination.
1979 – Park Chung-hee, President of South Korea is assassinated by Korean Central Intelligence Agency head Kim Jae-kyu. Choi Kyu-ha becomes the acting President; Kim is executed the following May.
1984 – "Baby Fae" receives a heart transplant from a baboon.
1985 – The Australian government returns ownership of Uluru to the local Pitjantjatjara Aborigines.
1992 – The Charlottetown Accord fails to win majority support in a Canada wide referendum.
1992 – The London Ambulance Service is thrown into chaos after the implementation of a new CAD, or Computer Aided Dispatch, system which failed.
1994 – Jordan and Israel sign a peace treaty
1995 – Israeli-Palestinian Conflict: Mossad agents assassinate Islamic Jihad leader Fathi Shikaki in his hotel in Malta.
1999 – Britain's House of Lords votes to end the right of hereditary peers to vote in Britain's upper chamber of Parliament.
2000 – Laurent Gbagbo takes over as president of Côte d'Ivoire following a popular uprising against President Robert Guéï.
2001 – The United States passes the USA PATRIOT Act into law.
Famous Folk Born On This Date:
C. W. Post
Paul Pilgrim (History ignores his two gold medals from the 1906 Summer Games)
William "Judy" Johnson
Primo Carnera
John Krol
Sid Gillman
Mahalia Jackson
Don Siegel
Jackie Coogan
Francois Mitterand
Mohammad Reza Pahlavi
Mike Gray
Shelley Morrison
Bob Hoskins
Pat Conroy
Jaclyn Smith
Pat Sajak
Hillary Clinton
Kevin Sullivan
Bootsy Collins
Tommy Mars
Julian Schnabel
David Was
Keith Strickland
Maureen Teefy
Lauren Tewes
Rita Wilson
Bob Golic
Dylan McDermott
Cary Elwes
Natalie Merchant
Keith Urban
Seth MacFarlane
Jon Heder
CM Punk (maybe we should refer to him as Phillip Jack Brooks, since he breaks kayfabe and uses the real names of other wrestlers all the time)
Movie quotes today come from 1997's "Liar Liar" which had Cary Elwes in it:
[after sex]
Miranda: Ummm that was incredible. Was it good for you?
Fletcher: I've had better.
#2
Cop: You know why I pulled you over?
Fletcher: Depends on how long you were following me!
Cop: Why don't we just take it from the top?
Fletcher: Here goes: I sped. I followed too closely. I ran a stop sign. I almost hit a Chevy. I sped some more. I failed to yield at a crosswalk. I changed lanes at the intersection. I changed lanes without signaling while running a red light and *speeding*!
Cop: Is that all?
Fletcher: No... I have unpaid parking tickets.
[groans]
Fletcher: ... be gentle.
#3
Max Reede: My dad? He's... a liar.
Teacher: A liar? I'm sure you don't mean a liar.
Max Reede: Well, he wears a suit and goes to court and talks to the judge.
Teacher: Oh, you mean he's a lawyer.
#4
Fletcher: Mrs. Cole, is this a copy of your driver's liscense?
[shows paper]
Samantha: That's right.
Fletcher: It says here you are a blonde, are you? If you don't remember perhaps Mr. Faulk will.
Samantha: Brunette.
Fletcher: Maybe if we play the tape again, maybe it's on there...
Samantha: I'm a brunette!
Fletcher: Thank you. Now let's see... weight 105? Yeah, in your bra.
Dana: Your honor, I object.
Fletcher: You would!
Dana: Bastard!
Fletcher: Hag!
Judge Stevens: QUIET! Overruled! Weight?
Samantha: 118.
[Fletcher gives her a look]
Samantha: Alright, fine, fine, I'm 127.
Fletcher: Uh, huh, and it says here you were born in 1964, but that's not true either is it? Is it!
Samantha: No.
Fletcher: Please tell the court what's on your birth certificate under Date of Birth.
Dana: Your honor, I object. What does this have to do with anything?
Judge Stevens: Overruled. Mrs. Cole, answer the question.
Samantha: 1965.
Fletcher: Now let get this straight. That means you lied about your age to make yourself older. But why would any woman want to DO THAT?
Samantha: I changed it so I could get married.
Fletcher: AND THE TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREE! My client lied about her age! She was only 17 when she got married, which makes her a minor. And in the great state of California, no minor can enter into any legal contract without parental consent.
[to Dana]
Fletcher: Including...?
Dana: [sighs] Prenuptual agreements.
Fletcher: Prenuptual agreements! This contract is void! The fact that my client has been riden more than Seattle Slew is irrelevant. Standard Community Property applies and she is entitled to half of the marital assets, or $11.395 million. Jordan fades back, swoosh, and THAT'S THE GAME! Nothing further, your honor!
Maybe that's echoing in my mind because I dream of that second chance often. I watched some high school volleyball earlier today. What I wouldn't give to see the look of shock on an opposing player after I hit a kill right past his block, just one more time. Or to hit a bullet right down the left-field line, screaming past the leftfielder for extra bases in a recreational slo-pitch game. Or to be bowling a match with a chance to shut out the opposition with three strikes in the tenth frame and to nail all three shots
I know with near 100% certainty my days of being able to jump high enough to hit a kill in volleyball are over. It's close to the same certainty when it comes to playing softball, although I suppose I could go to the batting cages and hit until I was out of breath. That might be six or seven at-bats on a good day. And I could probably start bowling again if I was willing to do so and accept the fact I'd be playing at a level well below what I was once capable of.
But I won't. I choose to not play again and be less than I was, rather than try and fail to live up to the standards I once held myself to. For me, it's the right decision. So while I dream of a second chance, for the moment I won't be striving to achieve that goal.
* * *
There is no denying the fact that the Republican Party's majority in the House of Representatives is in trouble. In December of last year, 43% of people polled said that the fact the House was controlled by Republicans was a bad thing. Now a very recent poll shows that number has climbed by 11 points, up to 54%.
Worse yet as far as chances for them to retain control of the House come January of 2015, there is a severe schism within their party. The more conservative membership, including the Tea Party, believes the party has shifted too far toward the center. The moderate Republicans currently serving in the House will face primary challenges from more conservative candidates. The incumbents will survive most of these challenges, but at what cost?
The rank and file who consider themselves Tea Party members maintain there is no leader of their "party" and on the face of it that seems to be true. But this is just the leaders of this movement (they aren't really a political party) are taking great pains to keep their identities out of the public eye. Steve Eichler is a lawyer who is the CEO of the organization that registered and maintains the website that uses the URL teaparty.org. The site's terms of use make reference to a Board of Directors, but there appears to be no list of that board's membership. The WHOIS entry for the domain shows no names under registrant or admin. Rest assured this movement has leaders. The money people. The policy people. Their agenda is based on the writings of certain individuals, one of whom is Dr. Jerome Corsi. I mention all of this just to debunk the notion that the Tea Party has no leaders. They do. They just pull the strings from behind the curtain. It is this movement that may ultimately destroy the Republican Party. Their choice to shutdown our federal government may have already made it inevitable that in an off-election year, the party with control of the White House will make gains in congressional representation. That's just about unheard of.
Dark days are ahead for the party of Lincoln.
* * *
An open note to Stan Kasten, president of the Dodgers.
Dear Stan,
Now that you've made the right first move in confirming you and the team will be honoring Don Mattingly's contract for 2014, make the next right move.
Offer him a multi-year extension. Add two years guaranteed to the current year, and then tack on an additional year option that is the club's. That is to say, the club can exercise that option for the 2017 season to keep Mattingly their manager.
Next year is going to be one of the best chances for the team to get to and win the World Series. You and Ned Colletti have a lot to do in the off-season and having the manager business settled will make a lot of it easier.
You have four outfielders with multi-year multi-million dollar deals. They will take up roughly $65 million in payroll next season and they are all under contract until the end of the 2017 season. There's no room to move one of them to first base where Adrian Gonzalez will be for the next four years at least. You are probably going to have to try to trade one of them and you won't get full value for any of them given the fact you are under the gun.
29 year old Hanley Ramirez is interested in a contract extension. You and every fan of the team wants you to sign an extension with Clayton Kershaw and that won't be cheap. He's probably the best pitcher in baseball. You probably won't try to re-sign Juan Uribe and that means you have a hole to plug at 3rd base, while you were already looking to upgrade at 2nd base.
You have a question mark regarding five starting pitchers because you don't know how well Chad Billingsley will be in 2014, following his Tommy John surgery this year. Kershaw, Greinke and Ryu are a great 1-2-3 starting pitcher combination and you have other options so this isn't the top priority once you've inked Kershaw to an extension.
Make the right move. Extend Mattingly. Then move on to putting the finishing touches on a ballclub that can be a legitimate threat to win a World Series in each of the next three or four years.
* * *
Random Ponderings on a Saturday:
Part of me wishes I wasn't so generous. If I weren't, I'd have a third consecutive day off tomorrow. Instead I'll be working for free, in order to give my students a better chance of succeeding in the class.
Now that I've seen all three of the butt "selfies" from Kim K and her two imitators, I have to say that the pro surfer's butt is way better than Kim's or that woman from that other reality series.
No I did not skip trivia last night to go to the book signing that Jenna Jameson was the "star" of at the Grove. I wouldn't buy her book even with someone else's money.
I think my favorite villain from the Batman television series was The Riddler.
Julianne Hough is guilty of bad judgment for going out in blackface as part of a Halloween costume, not racism. Now if Paula Deen had done it...
I don't think McDonald's is risking the loss of much business by shifting away from Heinz ketchup.
Jay-Z is right to wait for all the facts before altering his deal with Barney's.
If Michael Douglas was willing to lie about what kind of cancer he had, what makes people think he won't do the same when he's asked about whether or not he and Catherine Zeta-Jones are divorcing?
When Hailee Steinfeld refers to Taylor Swift as her "big sister", I don't think she's referring to the fact Swift is four inches taller. Steinfeld is still just 16 years old.
The NFL may want to have a team in Los Angeles, but do enough Angelenos want a team here?
* * *
306 – Martyrdom of Saint Demetrius of Thessaloniki
1341 – The Byzantine civil war of 1341–1347 formally begins with the proclamation of John VI Kantakouzenos as Byzantine Emperor at Didymoteicho.
1597 – Imjin War: Admiral Yi Sun-sin routs the Japanese Navy of 300 ships with only 13 ships at the Battle of Myeongnyang. (Admiral Yi was one of the greatest naval commanders in history. With only 13 ships at his disposal he defeated an armada of 333 ships in a battle)
1640 – The Treaty of Ripon is signed, restoring peace between Scotland and Charles I of England.
1689 – General Piccolomini of Austria burned down Skopje to prevent the spread of cholera. He died of cholera himself soon after.
1774 – The first Continental Congress adjourns in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.
1775 – King George III of Great Britain goes before Parliament to declare the American colonies in rebellion, and authorized a military response to quell the American Revolution.
1776 – Benjamin Franklin departs from America for France on a mission to seek French support for the American Revolution.
1795 – The French Directory, a five-man revolutionary government, is created.
1811 – The Argentine government declare the freedom of expression for the press by decree.
1813 – War of 1812: A combined force of British regulars, Canadian militia, and Mohawks defeat the Americans in the Battle of Chateauguay.
1825 – The Erie Canal opens – passage from Albany, New York to Lake Erie.
1859 – The Royal Charter is wrecked on the coast of Anglesey, north Wales with 459 dead.
1860 – Meeting of Teano. Giuseppe Garibaldi, conqueror of the Kingdom of Two Sicilies, gives it to King Victor Emmanuel II of Italy.
1861 – The Pony Express officially ceases operations.
1863 – The Football Association, the oldest football association in the world, is formed in London.
1881 – The Gunfight at the O.K. Corral takes place at Tombstone, Arizona.
1905 – Norway becomes independent from Sweden.
1909 – Itō Hirobumi, four time Prime Minister of Japan (the 1st, 5th, 7th and 10th) and Resident-General of Korea, was shot to death by Korean nationalist assassin Ahn Jung-geun at the Harbin train station in Manchuria.
1912 – First Balkan War: The Ottoman occupied city of Thessaloniki, is liberated and unified with Greece on the feast day of its patron Saint Demetrius. On the same day, Serbian troops captured Skopje.
1917 – World War I: Battle of Caporetto; Italy suffers a catastrophic defeat at the forces of Austria-Hungary and Germany. The young unknown Oberleutnant Erwin Rommel captures Mount Matajur with only 100 Germans against a force of over 7000 Italians.
1917 – World War I: Brazil declared in state of war with Central Powers.
1918 – Erich Ludendorff, quartermaster-general of the Imperial German Army, is dismissed by Kaiser Wilhelm II of Germany for refusing to cooperate in peace negotiations.
1921 – The Chicago Theatre opens.
1936 – The first electric generator at Hoover Dam goes into full operation.
1940 – The P-51 Mustang makes its maiden flight.
1942 – World War II: In the Battle of the Santa Cruz Islands during the Guadalcanal Campaign, one U.S. aircraft carrier, Hornet, is sunk and another aircraft carrier, Enterprise, is heavily damaged, while two Japanese carriers and one cruiser are heavily damaged.
1943 – World War II: First flight of the Dornier Do 335 "Pfeil".
1944 – World War II: The Battle of Leyte Gulf ends with an overwhelming American victory.
1947 – The Maharaja of Kashmir and Jammu agrees to allow his kingdom to join India.
1955 – After the last Allied troops have left the country and following the provisions of the Austrian Independence Treaty, Austria declares permanent neutrality.
1955 – Ngô Đình Diệm declares himself Premier of South Vietnam.
1958 – Pan American Airways makes the first commercial flight of the Boeing 707 from New York City to Paris, France.
1964 – Eric Edgar Cooke becomes last person in Western Australia to be executed.
1967 – Mohammad Reza Pahlavi crowns himself Emperor of Iran and then crowns his wife Farah Empress of Iran.
1968 – Soviet cosmonaut Georgy Beregovoy pilots Soyuz 3 into space for a four-day mission.
1977 – Ali Maow Maalin, the last natural case of smallpox, develops rash in Merca district, Somalia. The World Health Organization and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention consider this date the anniversary of the eradication of smallpox, the most spectacular success of vaccination.
1979 – Park Chung-hee, President of South Korea is assassinated by Korean Central Intelligence Agency head Kim Jae-kyu. Choi Kyu-ha becomes the acting President; Kim is executed the following May.
1984 – "Baby Fae" receives a heart transplant from a baboon.
1985 – The Australian government returns ownership of Uluru to the local Pitjantjatjara Aborigines.
1992 – The Charlottetown Accord fails to win majority support in a Canada wide referendum.
1992 – The London Ambulance Service is thrown into chaos after the implementation of a new CAD, or Computer Aided Dispatch, system which failed.
1994 – Jordan and Israel sign a peace treaty
1995 – Israeli-Palestinian Conflict: Mossad agents assassinate Islamic Jihad leader Fathi Shikaki in his hotel in Malta.
1999 – Britain's House of Lords votes to end the right of hereditary peers to vote in Britain's upper chamber of Parliament.
2000 – Laurent Gbagbo takes over as president of Côte d'Ivoire following a popular uprising against President Robert Guéï.
2001 – The United States passes the USA PATRIOT Act into law.
Famous Folk Born On This Date:
C. W. Post
Paul Pilgrim (History ignores his two gold medals from the 1906 Summer Games)
William "Judy" Johnson
Primo Carnera
John Krol
Sid Gillman
Mahalia Jackson
Don Siegel
Jackie Coogan
Francois Mitterand
Mohammad Reza Pahlavi
Mike Gray
Shelley Morrison
Bob Hoskins
Pat Conroy
Jaclyn Smith
Pat Sajak
Hillary Clinton
Kevin Sullivan
Bootsy Collins
Tommy Mars
Julian Schnabel
David Was
Keith Strickland
Maureen Teefy
Lauren Tewes
Rita Wilson
Bob Golic
Dylan McDermott
Cary Elwes
Natalie Merchant
Keith Urban
Seth MacFarlane
Jon Heder
CM Punk (maybe we should refer to him as Phillip Jack Brooks, since he breaks kayfabe and uses the real names of other wrestlers all the time)
Movie quotes today come from 1997's "Liar Liar" which had Cary Elwes in it:
[after sex]
Miranda: Ummm that was incredible. Was it good for you?
Fletcher: I've had better.
Fletcher: Depends on how long you were following me!
Cop: Why don't we just take it from the top?
Fletcher: Here goes: I sped. I followed too closely. I ran a stop sign. I almost hit a Chevy. I sped some more. I failed to yield at a crosswalk. I changed lanes at the intersection. I changed lanes without signaling while running a red light and *speeding*!
Cop: Is that all?
Fletcher: No... I have unpaid parking tickets.
[groans]
Fletcher: ... be gentle.
#3
Max Reede: My dad? He's... a liar.
Teacher: A liar? I'm sure you don't mean a liar.
Max Reede: Well, he wears a suit and goes to court and talks to the judge.
Teacher: Oh, you mean he's a lawyer.
#4
Fletcher: Mrs. Cole, is this a copy of your driver's liscense?
[shows paper]
Samantha: That's right.
Fletcher: It says here you are a blonde, are you? If you don't remember perhaps Mr. Faulk will.
Samantha: Brunette.
Fletcher: Maybe if we play the tape again, maybe it's on there...
Samantha: I'm a brunette!
Fletcher: Thank you. Now let's see... weight 105? Yeah, in your bra.
Dana: Your honor, I object.
Fletcher: You would!
Dana: Bastard!
Fletcher: Hag!
Judge Stevens: QUIET! Overruled! Weight?
Samantha: 118.
[Fletcher gives her a look]
Samantha: Alright, fine, fine, I'm 127.
Fletcher: Uh, huh, and it says here you were born in 1964, but that's not true either is it? Is it!
Samantha: No.
Fletcher: Please tell the court what's on your birth certificate under Date of Birth.
Dana: Your honor, I object. What does this have to do with anything?
Judge Stevens: Overruled. Mrs. Cole, answer the question.
Samantha: 1965.
Fletcher: Now let get this straight. That means you lied about your age to make yourself older. But why would any woman want to DO THAT?
Samantha: I changed it so I could get married.
Fletcher: AND THE TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREE! My client lied about her age! She was only 17 when she got married, which makes her a minor. And in the great state of California, no minor can enter into any legal contract without parental consent.
[to Dana]
Fletcher: Including...?
Dana: [sighs] Prenuptual agreements.
Fletcher: Prenuptual agreements! This contract is void! The fact that my client has been riden more than Seattle Slew is irrelevant. Standard Community Property applies and she is entitled to half of the marital assets, or $11.395 million. Jordan fades back, swoosh, and THAT'S THE GAME! Nothing further, your honor!
posted by me at 8:49 PM
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