Monday's headlines (or near headlines)

In the headlines, it is politics as usual in Washington, D.C., as both Democrats and Republicans in the Senate have loaded up the bill to keep the government open with amendments that may shutdown the Federal Government after all.  They are trying to micromanage how the sequestration cuts are being implemented, in an effort to spare THEIR constituents from the pain.

In Iran, a pickpocket caught by his intended victim was very fortunate.  An “ad hoc” jury voted not to turn him over to police.  Given that two muggers were recently hanged by the government, he was probably spared a similar fate.  The growing crime rate is a sign of that nation’s deteriorating economy according to some.

Two former officials of the California Public Employees Retirement System (CalPERS) have been indicted in federal court in San Francisco. 

23 years ago, thieves in Boston pulled off an art heist where 13 paintings worth more than $500 million were stolen.  Now the FBI believes it knows the identities of the two thieves.  There is a $5 million reward for information leading to the return of the paintings.

The next headlines item has been deleted due to our no-news policy regarding certain fame-whores.

A church in Winston-Salem, NC is going to refuse to perform weddings in its sanctuary for opposite-sex couples until it is legal for them to do the same for same-sex couples.

The Maine Lottery is going to re-name its scratch-off tickets “Kwikies”.  You can just imagine the objections.

If you know how to order them, there are ‘secret’ items on the menu at many fast-food restaurants.  A burger with eight patties on it can be had at McDonald’s, while In-and-Out offers a burger with twice the meat and cheese of their famous “Double-Double”.

From the “unbelievable” file, an 85 year old nun in the Boston area was robbed of $6 by a man described as being in his 50s.  He took the six dollars the elderly nun was about to use to pay for her rectory dinner.  She doesn’t want to press charges.

Someone hoaxed two Girl Scout troops in Oregon and it looked like they might be stuck with 6,000 boxes of cookies.  But they held a big sale and recovered nearly half of the money that might have been lost in just one day.