Time for a change of pace, so here we have...

a sampling of items from the want-ads.

"Proficiecny in English, spoken and written..."  Including proofing ads placed by owner.

"- located on the west side of Los Angeles (not east of West Hollywood)"  Obviously something wrong with people who live on the "wrong" side of West Hollywood.

"Film/TV /graphics /producer , needs a personal assistant to handle personal shopping : filing, copying, answering phones, website & social media maintenance, making personal appointments, running errands (business and personal), travel arrangements, keeping track of my schedule, and more. . .depending on the experience level of the person hired. Fluency in other languages is a plus, particularly Spanish and French.
Groceries laundry pick up etc... A lot of organizing
I have a small dog she comes to work everyday with me.
Personal vehicle necessary, mileage paid. Start at 15 hours per week. $12.00
NOTE: We expect a lot of responses, and we will read each one and each resume. If we do not respond to you, it's only because we didn't feel it was the right fit. Thanks for understanding."  'We'??  Tri-lingual for only $12 an hour????  Wow.

"Kindly include resume and a photo."   A photo for a position as assistant to an Astrologer?  I guess.  If it were a psychic, he would already know what you look like.

"Does "i love gelato". instead of "I love gelato." make you cringe?"  I never had feelings that strong about gelato.  But I do hate lack of capitalization, except of course for e.e. cumings.

"In the body of the email please answer the following question:  You've accidentally scheduled a meeting in Santa Monica from 2pm to 2:55pm and another one in West Hollywood at 3:00 pm. None of these meetings can be rescheduled, what would you do?"  Damn good question.  Sounds like one meting has to be rescheduled or someone's going to have to be in two places at once.

"Part time position available for female receptionist at a Medical Marijuana Doctor's office. Looking for someone who not only has good reception skills, but is also good with communicating to and bringing in patients. Need to be able to multitask, work under pressure, and be precise. We'd prefer someone who is familiar with the Prop 215 laws but not necessary. Full training and support available. Please email your resume along with a pic if possible. We will contact you based on your resume."   Female??  Another moron who isn't aware that gender discrimination is illegal, except when hiring Hooters Girls.  Pic if possible?  You think anyone who doesn't send a pic will get a response?  I think not.

Looking for a self motivating, trustworthy, and reliable individual who can work well and..."  What kind of well?  An oil well?  Water well?

"Need a Female Personal Assistant that's bilingual Spanish/English. Please email me your resume including a picture of yourself."  Translation:  I'm looking for a bilingual date.

This last one for a part-time job in Houston requires posting the full ad.  It speaks for itself:

"ATTENTION
hostess/party girlBE A STAR AT OUR ESTABLISHMENT!!!
WOULD YOU LIKE TO MAKE $650.00 and MORE WEEKLY
IF YOU LOVE YOU, THAN WE WILL TOO!!

* MUST LOVE TO LAUGH AND SMILE AND BE VERY SOCIALABLE. PERSONALITY IS VERY IMPORTANT!* MUST BE 18 AND UP AND HAVE A VALID I. D. AND/OR PASSPORT.
* MUST DRESS FOR SUCESS IN DRESS OR SKIRT- AND HIGH HEEL A MUST!!

WE ARE LOOKING FOR LADIES ALL COLORS, SHAPES, AND SIZES.

IF YOU THINK YOU GOT WHAT IT TAKES PLEASE
CALL"

Only one heel?