A new version
Back when AFI released its first list of the 100 Greatest American movies of the first 100 years of American Cinema, I sat down and wrote my own list. It was the 100 Worst American Movies That Were Never Made. A few ideas for a new version of that list have come to me today so I'm jotting them down.
The Man With the Iron Balls - Matt Damon as a contestant on America's Got Talent whose talent is being able to be kicked or punched in the nuts and no matter how hard he gets hit, he can take it.
Trouble With the Curves - Clint Eastwood as a retired baseball scout who can't live on his modest pension and he's forced to take a job as a cook at the local Hooters.
Here Comes the Bum - Kevin James as a science teacher who isn't very good at teaching and he decides to raise money to go to graduate school by fighting in Mixed Martial Arts matches; but he's even worse at MMA than he is at teaching.
The Master Baiter - Philip Seymour Hoffman as a Navy veteran who can't stop playing pocket pool while he tries to verbally incite people to commit acts of violence.
That's My Boy Now - Blake Lively as Cher and Adam Sandler as Chaz Bono in this bio-pic of Chastity Bono's journey to become Chaz.
The Girl With the Tattooed Dragon - Rooney Mara stars as a woman who keeps a wildly tattooed dragon hidden in her basement.
Friends With Health Benefits - Anyone could do this film about two girls without health insurance and two guys who can add any "signifcant other" as their dependent on their employer's health plan.
Jennifer Edgar - Leonardo DiCaprio stars in this look at the "softer" side of former FBI director J. Edgar Hoover and the 'other' wardrobe in the back of his closet.
What's Your Number - starring the Collins twins, Jason and Jaron as the legendary Wilt Chamberlain whose secret to being able to sleep with 20,000 women is revealed. He was actually twins.
* * * * *
When I go anywhere in the evening that requires me to drive home on the freeway I always use the same exit. Okay, almost always. If I'm going to stop on the way home to get something or run an errand I might use a different exit. There is "nothing" in terms of business between the exit I normally use and my home. In the last ten days I've probably used that exit six or seven times. There is a discarded tire alongside the off-ramp that's just been sitting there for at least ten days. It is propped up against the sound wall that helps to keep freeway noise out of the nearby homes. How long does it take to get rid of a discarded tire sitting alongside the freeway?
Do the people who go on to the Jerry Springer show really not know why they are there?
Jose Canseco has spent his post major-league career proving himself capable of sinking to new lows of scumbag as time passes. He's now neared, if not reached, absolute bottom of the scumbag pool with his tweeting of the name and information of the woman who has accused him of rape. He may have also made a costly error because in Nevada, the identity of a person who is accusing someone of rape must be kept confidential until a suspect is actually indicted, or they can sue the person and/or organization that revealed their identifying information and recover damages. Canseco is living personification of something Forrest Gump's mother once said. "Stupid is as stupid does".
Speaking of scumbags, Joe Francis said in an interview that the jury that convicted him should be "lined up and shot". Now he's trying to apologize and say the comments were not reflective of his true feelings. Yo, Joe, time to go. To jail. You can start a new deal with "Convicts Gone Wild".
Actors in Hollywood who are disabled in one way or another face a difficult up-hill climb to get work. Geri Jewell is still a rare exception to the rule that the disabled don't get much in the way of work in front of the cameras in movies or TV. Mitch Longley is another example, a paraplegic who got a regular role on "Las Vegas". But we all remember Raymond Burr in his role on "Ironsides", where he portrayed a man in a wheelchair. The difference being of course, he could get up and walk away after the scene was over.
Now actors with disabilities are saying that the reimagination of the show "Ironsides" with Blair Underwood in the title role is just wrong, that someone who actually is confined to a wheelchair should be cast in the role.
This Date in History:
On this date in 1430, Joan of Arc is captured during the Siege of Compiegne.
On this date in 1533, the marriage of King Henry VIII to Catherine of Aragon is declared null and void.
On this date in 1568, the Netherlands declare their independence from Spain.
On this date in 1701, William Kidd is hanged in London for piracy and murder.
On this date in 1788, South Carolina ratifies the Constitution.
On this date in 1911, the New York Public Library is dedicated.
On this date in 1934, Bonnie and Clyde are ambushed and killed by police officers.
On this date in 1945, Heinrich Himmler commits suicide while in the custody of the Allies.
Famous Folk Born on this Date:
Scatman Crothers
James Blish
Clyde King
Joan Collins
Charles Kimbrough
John Newcombe
Anatoly Karpov
Marvin Hagler
Mitch Albom
Drew Carey
Melissa McBride
Ken Jennings
Jewel
Lane Garrison
Movie Quote of the day comes from the brilliant comedy "Galaxy Quest":
Gwen DeMarco: Fred, you had a part people loved. I mean, my TV Guide interview was six paragraphs about my BOOBS and how they fit into my suit. No one bothered to ask me what I do on the show.
Fred Kwan: You were... the umm, wait a minute, I'll think of it...
Gwen DeMarco: I repeated the computer, Fred.
#2
Sir Alexander Dane: You're just going to have to figure out what it wants. What is its motivation?
Jason Nesmith: It's a rock monster. It doesn't have motivation.
Sir Alexander Dane: See, that's your problem, Jason. You were never serious about the craft.
#3
Brandon Wheeger: I just wanted to tell you that I thought a lot about what you said.
Jason Nesmith: It's okay, now listen...
Brandon Wheeger: But I want you to know that I'm not a complete brain case, okay? I understand completely that it's just a TV show. I know there's no beryllium sphere...
Jason Nesmith: Hold it.
Brandon Wheeger: no digital conveyor, no ship...
Jason Nesmith: Stop for a second, stop. It's all real.
Brandon Wheeger: Oh my God, I knew it. I knew it! I knew it!
The Man With the Iron Balls - Matt Damon as a contestant on America's Got Talent whose talent is being able to be kicked or punched in the nuts and no matter how hard he gets hit, he can take it.
Trouble With the Curves - Clint Eastwood as a retired baseball scout who can't live on his modest pension and he's forced to take a job as a cook at the local Hooters.
Here Comes the Bum - Kevin James as a science teacher who isn't very good at teaching and he decides to raise money to go to graduate school by fighting in Mixed Martial Arts matches; but he's even worse at MMA than he is at teaching.
The Master Baiter - Philip Seymour Hoffman as a Navy veteran who can't stop playing pocket pool while he tries to verbally incite people to commit acts of violence.
That's My Boy Now - Blake Lively as Cher and Adam Sandler as Chaz Bono in this bio-pic of Chastity Bono's journey to become Chaz.
The Girl With the Tattooed Dragon - Rooney Mara stars as a woman who keeps a wildly tattooed dragon hidden in her basement.
Friends With Health Benefits - Anyone could do this film about two girls without health insurance and two guys who can add any "signifcant other" as their dependent on their employer's health plan.
Jennifer Edgar - Leonardo DiCaprio stars in this look at the "softer" side of former FBI director J. Edgar Hoover and the 'other' wardrobe in the back of his closet.
What's Your Number - starring the Collins twins, Jason and Jaron as the legendary Wilt Chamberlain whose secret to being able to sleep with 20,000 women is revealed. He was actually twins.
* * * * *
When I go anywhere in the evening that requires me to drive home on the freeway I always use the same exit. Okay, almost always. If I'm going to stop on the way home to get something or run an errand I might use a different exit. There is "nothing" in terms of business between the exit I normally use and my home. In the last ten days I've probably used that exit six or seven times. There is a discarded tire alongside the off-ramp that's just been sitting there for at least ten days. It is propped up against the sound wall that helps to keep freeway noise out of the nearby homes. How long does it take to get rid of a discarded tire sitting alongside the freeway?
Do the people who go on to the Jerry Springer show really not know why they are there?
Jose Canseco has spent his post major-league career proving himself capable of sinking to new lows of scumbag as time passes. He's now neared, if not reached, absolute bottom of the scumbag pool with his tweeting of the name and information of the woman who has accused him of rape. He may have also made a costly error because in Nevada, the identity of a person who is accusing someone of rape must be kept confidential until a suspect is actually indicted, or they can sue the person and/or organization that revealed their identifying information and recover damages. Canseco is living personification of something Forrest Gump's mother once said. "Stupid is as stupid does".
Speaking of scumbags, Joe Francis said in an interview that the jury that convicted him should be "lined up and shot". Now he's trying to apologize and say the comments were not reflective of his true feelings. Yo, Joe, time to go. To jail. You can start a new deal with "Convicts Gone Wild".
Actors in Hollywood who are disabled in one way or another face a difficult up-hill climb to get work. Geri Jewell is still a rare exception to the rule that the disabled don't get much in the way of work in front of the cameras in movies or TV. Mitch Longley is another example, a paraplegic who got a regular role on "Las Vegas". But we all remember Raymond Burr in his role on "Ironsides", where he portrayed a man in a wheelchair. The difference being of course, he could get up and walk away after the scene was over.
Now actors with disabilities are saying that the reimagination of the show "Ironsides" with Blair Underwood in the title role is just wrong, that someone who actually is confined to a wheelchair should be cast in the role.
This Date in History:
On this date in 1430, Joan of Arc is captured during the Siege of Compiegne.
On this date in 1533, the marriage of King Henry VIII to Catherine of Aragon is declared null and void.
On this date in 1568, the Netherlands declare their independence from Spain.
On this date in 1701, William Kidd is hanged in London for piracy and murder.
On this date in 1788, South Carolina ratifies the Constitution.
On this date in 1911, the New York Public Library is dedicated.
On this date in 1934, Bonnie and Clyde are ambushed and killed by police officers.
On this date in 1945, Heinrich Himmler commits suicide while in the custody of the Allies.
Famous Folk Born on this Date:
Scatman Crothers
James Blish
Clyde King
Joan Collins
Charles Kimbrough
John Newcombe
Anatoly Karpov
Marvin Hagler
Mitch Albom
Drew Carey
Melissa McBride
Ken Jennings
Jewel
Lane Garrison
Movie Quote of the day comes from the brilliant comedy "Galaxy Quest":
Gwen DeMarco: Fred, you had a part people loved. I mean, my TV Guide interview was six paragraphs about my BOOBS and how they fit into my suit. No one bothered to ask me what I do on the show.
Fred Kwan: You were... the umm, wait a minute, I'll think of it...
Gwen DeMarco: I repeated the computer, Fred.
#2
Sir Alexander Dane: You're just going to have to figure out what it wants. What is its motivation?
Jason Nesmith: It's a rock monster. It doesn't have motivation.
Sir Alexander Dane: See, that's your problem, Jason. You were never serious about the craft.
#3
Brandon Wheeger: I just wanted to tell you that I thought a lot about what you said.
Jason Nesmith: It's okay, now listen...
Brandon Wheeger: But I want you to know that I'm not a complete brain case, okay? I understand completely that it's just a TV show. I know there's no beryllium sphere...
Jason Nesmith: Hold it.
Brandon Wheeger: no digital conveyor, no ship...
Jason Nesmith: Stop for a second, stop. It's all real.
Brandon Wheeger: Oh my God, I knew it. I knew it! I knew it!
posted by me at 11:44 AM
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