I won a battle today, although the war...

will not be won anytime soon.  What battle did I win?  The battle over giving in to emotions and as a result making bad choices in what to eat.  I was on my way home from taking a test that turned out to be far more difficult than I had anticipated (remind me to chastise everyone who told me it would be easy).  As a result I was stressed and upset and I was on my way to make a bad choice for lunch.

I was in the proper lane to go where I was planning to go and suddenly I decided, "no".  I changed lanes and passed that place by.  I went and got something healthy and went home to enjoy it.  I was proud of myself for winning at least one of these battles.  I'd won a few recently but the past ten days or so had not been good.  Now I feel like I might be back on the winning track.

What helped me was something I thought of a few days ago, and it may or may not be of value to others.  It is certainly helping me.  It dawned on me that it was time to take a new approach to life and living.  Everyone says "life is not a dress rehearsal".  Or in a recent film quote from a movie that bombed, "what are you going to do with your one and only life?"

The thought that occurred to me, which may or may not be profound, is that life is not a pass/fail course.  We don't get graded on life.  When we go, our passing is noted by a short obituary, usually becase the newspapers charge so damn much for them.  Here's a sample of one.

"John Doe died at the age of 73 on Friday.  He is survived by his loving wife of 48 years Jane, two sons and one daughter, and eight grandchildren.  Funeral services are pending."

If we were graded on life, it would look more like this.

"John Doe died at the age of 73 on Friday.  He was born in Los Angeles and grew up in Torrance, graduating from West High School.  He was an indifferent student, who was suspended three times between the 6th and 12th grades.  He had a 2.4 cummulative GPA in high school and because of his failure to study, he had to go to El Camino College in order to get into a four year university.  He eventually graduated and took a job as a program specialist for a government agency.  He worked for 35 years at that job before retiring, earning only average performance reviews and never rising above the grade of GS-6. 

He was unfaithful to his wife on three different occasions, although she never learned about them.  He never used illegal drugs but he drank too much and liked to go with his friends to the horse racing track whenever he could.  He pissed away thousands on the ponies and had to hide this bad habit from his loving wife.

He was a lousy father and all three of his children spent thousands of dollars on therapy in order to become the mentally healthy adults they were at the time of his death.  He ignored his grandchildren's birthdays and other important dates and never found time to attend any of their activities.  But his wife always covered for him."

But we aren't graded or judged by anyone but ourselves.  And, if you believe in God, by that deity.  That's why I have a new concept.  Since life isn't a pass/fail, graded course, it's time to do something different.  Audit life.  Attend.  Learn.  But no worries about being judged or graded.  Do your best to make something out of it, but don't stress if you feel you aren't getting where you thought you should be.  Audit life.