Things I'm pondering this morning...

Why is it you still see signs on printing businesses advertising "full-color" printing?  Color printing isn't new anymore.  It hasn't been new for decades.  Is someone going to choose a printer because that establishment can print in color?  If so, there's something wrong with this customer's decision making process.

Why is it motels advertise that they have "air conditioning"?  Are there any motels out there in this era that don't have air conditioning?  I can't imagine anyone renting a room that doesn't have it.  Except maybe in the skid row areas where a motel is just a roof and a bed and is still overpriced.

What ever happened to the guy who used to be in the commercials for Larry H. Parker, the guy who Larry had gotten "$2.1 million (over his lifetime)"?  There are still a slew of commercials for Parker on L.A. area television, but he no longer pimps his legal services by parading clients who made a big score in court on TV.  He just touts how many millions (or is it over a billion now) he's won for his clients, and that promise that he'll "fight for you".  Dude, people need lawyers, not boxers or MMA fighters.

Is DUI defense attorney Myles L. Berman obsessed with Tom Cruise or Val Kilmer, or both?  Why else does he refer to himself as a "Top Gun DUI Defense Attorney"?

What will it take to get Joe Francis to shut up about Steve Wynn?  He now owes the man $40 million for spouting shit about him and Wynn's gone to the judge to get a permanent restraining order against him.  Look Joe, pay the man, sell some new Girls Gone Wild DVDs and just move on.  Or are the girls no longer going wild for you?

Is there anyone in the world who still thinks alcohol doesn't lower one's level of inhibition, in the wake of the success of Girls Gone Wild?  Does anyone really believe that the girls who flash their boobs for t-shirts and other swag didn't imbibe at least a little before doing so?

What the hell is so hard about saying "you're welcome" when someone says "thank you"?  Where and when did "no problem" become the acceptable replacement for "you're welcome"?  I was eating at a restaurant yesterday and the server said "no problem" at least three times when I thanked her for doing things to make my experience there better.  Honey, if it were a problem, that'd be a different story.  You brought me another glass of water.  I thanked you.  If I'm not welcome to ask for more water, say so and I won't ask.  Of course, I'll lower the tip accordingly.  I actually tipped less because I'm sick and tired of being told things were no problem. 

How serious is your coffee addiction if you're willing to plunk down $11,111 for the latest, greatest coffee maker that comes with Wi-Fi and a QR reader to allow it to learn brewing recipies from bar codes?

How lucky was it that Anderson Cooper had his dog with him at a taping of his show when his scheduled co-host Taraji P. Henson suffered a wardrobe malfunction, to stand in as co-host until her dress' zipper was fixed?  Are designers putting cheap zippers in expensive dresses these days?  This is the 2nd time in a week a woman's zipper has "burst out", and both involved women who aren't stick figures (Sofia Vergara was 1st).

What is the appeal of watching golf on television?  Especially when it's nation against nation?  I won't argue that golf isn't a sport, because I consider bowling a sport so golf must be a sport.  But at least bowling involves constant shot-making and doesn't have men pacing back and forth, trying to figure out how a putt will "break".  Or bending over and putting markers down while waiting for someone else to pace back and forth to dissect an upcoming putt.  I just don't get the appeal of golf.  Minature golf maybe, because trying to hit the ball at just the right moment to get past the spinning windmill is a real challenge.

Do talk radio hosts think things through pre-show before they go on the air and rant?  John and Ken, were ranting yesterday about how horrible it is that 381 TSA agents have been caught and fired in the last ten years for theft.  Dudes, there are 60,000 TSA employees.  Let's assume that 25% don't work gates.  That's still 45,000.  Over ten years that comes to 450,000 man-years of employment.  So the rate of employees caught and fired for theft represents less than 1/10th of one percent of the employees.  In one year, 381 out of 45,000 is still less than one percent.  I bet the rate of dishonesty in most retail businesses is around the same level or higher.

I don't watch American Idol and I don't watch the X Factor.  One reason is that I think Simon Cowell is an arrogant ass.  But he did something on the X Factor that has me re-thinking.  Not about watching, but that he's not as big of an arrogant ass as I thought.  He struck a deal with a 540 lb man who sang well, but can't get out of his wheelchair just yet, where they will help him get healthy so he can stand on the stage on his next appearance when he will sing again for the judges.  That was a compassionate act.  Give the devil his due.

Before I go, let me tell a story of why the Boy Scout motto of "Be Prepared" is really good advice.  Years ago, when I was a reporter/anchor/writer/editor for an all-news radio station, I stopped by the station on my day off to get my paycheck.  The receptionist was so happy to see me, you'd have thought my walking into the studios was the second coming.  "Brian, you have to do an interview" she said.  "Uh, no I don't.  I'm on my day off."  "But the governor's office is on the phone and they have him ready for his scheduled interview with Linda and she's out on a story."  We didn't have cellphones back then.  So, I took the call from the governor's press secretary and agreed to do the interview.

It was on a healthcare proposal.  I wasn't prepared for it, and when the governor came on the line, I told him so.  He laughed, said he knew I was good at my job and that I should just ask him general questions and he'd lead me through the interview.  I knew nothing of his proposal, but I managed to not sound clueless thanks to his being so generous.  If I were going to interview someone today and knew about it in advance, I'd know to write down all my questions in advance, so as to not look and sound stupid.  Be prepared.  It's a good idea.