I tried to sabotage myself to prevent this morning's walk...

It was subconscious, not conscious.  I stayed up late watching ER re-runs, rationalizing that if I finished both DVDs I could mail both back this morning and get two more in two days; thusly having one for both Friday and Saturday.  I rolled over at 5:45 and went back to sleep, figuring I'd sleep until six and then get up and walk.  I didn't wake until 7:00.

So then I tried to talk myself out of going.  I've once again learned about the reality of DOMS, which is not a professional dominatrix service, but the acronym for Delayed Onset Muscle Soreness.  My legs ached (they still do) this morning and the truth is they will hurt more severely tomorrow, whether I had walked today or not.

I was out the door by 7:02 a.m., and walked further today than yesterday.  Not because I'm a paragon of virtue.  Not because I've made some great "air-sea change" as described by Musashi in "The Book of Five Rings" (a highly recommended read).  I did it because there was a scene from a movie running through my head.

Next summer will be the 40th anniversary of "Enter the Dragon".  I've watched it so many times I know all the dialogue.  And when Mr. Han welcomes his martial artists guests to his island at a banquet that precedes the tournament, he waxes philosophical for a moment.  He reminds the assembled collection of bad-ass dudes that they didn't get that way by osmosis.  It took hours of long, hard work, through pain and discipline.  Then he hits the nail on the head in summing things up.

"We forge our bodies in the fire of our will."

Now my will isn't on fire yet.  But there's at least an ember glowing inside there, and that ember drove me right out the door.  Now if I can just gently fan that ember and let it grow into a flame, perhaps I can forge something I like.  Something more healthy than what I have now.

I may never run again.  I probably will never run as well or as fast as I did in my 30s.  But I can certainly try.  I know, I know, I'm contradicting the great Jedi Master, Yoda.  He said "Do.  Or do not.  There is no try."  But in this case there is a try and I'm making it.  If I end up not getting all the way to the do, the effort is enough for me.